Jerry, you need to find god
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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