I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
