he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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