just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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