whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
