I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
