Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
