ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
