her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
