Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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