You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
