i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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