So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
