Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
