I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
