your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
