I didn't shave. On purpose
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
