Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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