I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
