I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
