just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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