You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
