I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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