I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
