? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
