listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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