So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
