Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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