I think I won the penis lottery.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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