hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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