This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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