I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
