Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
