God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
