I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize