using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
