Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
