Do you still have your period?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
