Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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