He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
