Someone shit on the floor
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize