after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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