Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
