We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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