That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
