I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
