I'm going to jail i love you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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