i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
