my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
