I don't think brook has ever known best
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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