That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pooping to opera.
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