I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
