No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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