Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
