And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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