Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
