well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
