I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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