wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
