PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
