I've blown a few things in my day
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
