So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
