my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
