Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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