I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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