I am in a vortex of obligation.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
