Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
