Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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