Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one two three fourrrrnication!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
