So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
