Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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