wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
