When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
