I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Floor bacon is actually really good
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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