why do cheetos always look like penises
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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